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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Office Stories' LiveJournal:

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    Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
    10:03 am
    [velvetsmog]
    No e-mail
    Our e-mail server went down on Sunday and hasn't been brought back up as of Tuesday, 10am. It's amazing how an office becomes completely paralyzed when e-mail doesn't exist. A couple people have started using their home accounts, but management warned against sending "confidential information" outside the office. I have a stack of paper memos to deal with now ... there's something strangely quaint and 50s about the whole thing.
    Friday, January 13th, 2006
    1:48 am
    [velvetsmog]
    Always read the card
    Card gets passed to my co-worker.

    Co-worker scribbles something in the card.

    I get the card next and look at what he wrote.

    Me: "Uhm, co-worker, I'm not sure if this is going to work."
    CW: "It's what I always write for a birthday card."
    Me: "Yeah, but this isn't a birthday card. It's a condolence card for our CEO. His grandma just passed away."
    CW: "Oh, god."

    Co-worker scribbles out "ONE MORE TIME!" for a more appropriate sentiment.

    Holy shit.
    Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
    1:20 pm
    [hook_and_eyelet]
    "If you're going to ask a stupid question, you'll be transferred to stupid people."

    -me, one minute ago
    Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
    9:58 am
    [trixiefirecat]
    well, i quitted my job on monday ...so i don't feel bad about posting random e-mails. here's a good one that just came today! we work in an old building that's old enough to not function properly but not old enough to be forgiveably cool anyway.

    WATER:
    The building located an 8" main rupture in the alley way. [plumbing company] is en route and CalPac will oversee the repair. We will be without water for up to 48 hours. [building management co.] has ordered port-o-potties, which are also en route, and will be located in the parking structure just behind the office. The building manager is calling [the movie theater next door] to see if they will accommodate those of us that aren't comfortable using the temporary facilities. I'll send out another email when I get confirmation on that.

    A/C:
    Due to the rupture, our usual A/C system is down. A temporary fix is now up, and "running beautifully," according to management. It was down for an hour so it has a bit of catching up to do, but your offices should start cooling down now. If you notice any problems, please let me or [office manager] know. Be advised that there may be some delays on the building's end, as they are swamped with the water issue.

    Thank you!


    RAD I CAN'T WAIT TILL I HAVE TO PEE!!! FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS.
    Friday, March 11th, 2005
    2:53 pm
    [ingopixel]
    this man is unbelievable
    #1 -
    one of my coworkers is leaving us. today is his last day, so as is customary, most of us went out to luch together to celebrate with him. upon my return, my supervisor and i had the following exchange.
    s - how'd it go?
    m - ummmmm... lunch?
    s - yeah
    m - it was, fine?
    s - did you eat?
    m - ummm... yeah, it was lunch.

    yeah, he's that socially inept. it's true.

    ____________________________________________________________________

    #2 -
    since our dear cohort is leaving, we're circulating a card around the office wishing him well on his new endeavors. i signed the card and passed it on. a few minutes later i heard this exchange between the supervisor and debbie.
    s - where is this card supposed to go now that i've signed it?
    d - to whoever hasn't signed it yet.
    s - but where did you get it? where did it come from?
    d - i got it from ingotattoo.
    s - okay then, i'll give it back to ingotattoo.

    ermmmm... why? do i need to monitor all signatures? am i in charge of the card through its entire life cycle? can we not trust an office full of capable adults to pass the card on to the next person?

    Current Mood: confused
    Thursday, March 10th, 2005
    11:01 am
    [ingopixel]
    ummmm...
    supervisor - ingotattoo, i need a pad of paper
    me - do you need a legal pad or a memo pad?
    s - i don't know, what are my choices?
    m - ...

    Current Mood: confused
    Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
    12:06 pm
    [ingopixel]
    grrr
    one of my coworkers often works on site with clients. she calls in every so often to the office. i answer the phone.

    i think it's so rude that she won't let me finish my greeting. she cuts me off every time. come on now, one time just let me say what i'm supposed to say. it goes like this:

    me: "[small web development company], this is..."
    her: "hi ingridm this is [sage] let be talk to [brenda]."

    sometimes she won't even let me get hte name of the company out. how ride!

    she also runs absolutely everywhere, she never walks. her weight is perpetually forward, always on the balls of her feet, never her heels. someday she's going to smack right into me rounding a corner with a cup of hot coffee i just know it!

    Current Mood: distressed
    Monday, February 28th, 2005
    1:44 pm
    [ingopixel]
    posting my ass off
    someday i'll write a long, boring diatribe about my supervisor and his ridiculous neuroticism. but not now.

    today's morning task was something that he should have taken care of ages ago. once upon a time he brought his three(?) year old son into the office with him and let him play in the conference room. he played and played, doodling all over the white board table top with approved markers. fine, no problem, that's what dry erase is for, right? he then used said markers to decorate the projector conveniently located on the conference table, perfect access for a small child. the marks did not wipe easily off the projector.

    this happened months ago. last week some of our people had to go to a client site for a presentation. the client didn't have a projector, so our people had to use ours. today, funny, the creative director came to me with a bottle of acetone-free nail polish remover and a stack of cotton pads and the projector. scrub away. and that i did. i scrubbed and scrubbed until the marks were barely visible and i had no fingerprints left.

    that shit ate through my skin. my fingertips are so slick i am having a hard time picking things up. you're welcome, asshole.

    not two minutes ago he grabbed two tissues out of the box on my desk inquiring, "how's the tissue supply?" (a sore and ridiculous subject that i will eventually outline in my forthcoming essay, "obsessed with plastic forks") i generously told him he could take my box if he needed it. he snarkily replied, "i know where to find it."
    Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
    10:52 am
    [velvetsmog]
    this will never end

    As a follow-up to yesterday's posting, here's the deal. 1) I don't have any open food containers, just some empty bottles of wine and dirty glasses. 2) I already cleaned up everything. This is the mail I see when I walk in to work today. The last mail is from Evan.

    Why am I upset? Because my boss is being a loser about this whole thing. The correct answer for this whole situation is to tell these people to buzz off and to say "I've been contacted twice about this. Just clean it up."

    I fucking hate this place.

    A visit to hammer it home should not be required. That is just silly.  velvetsmog, please clean up your office. 

     

    Thank you

     


    From: Dee XXXX
    Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 10:11 AM
    To: Adam XXXX
    Cc: Evan XXXX
    Subject: RE: Office 4/2287B

     

    Thank you Adam

     

    Dee XXXX
    HQ Office Services Supervisor
    Ph: XXX-XXX-XXXX
    Fax: XXX-XXX-XXXX
    XXXX@XXXX.XXXX

     

     


    From: Adam XXXX
    Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 9:52 AM
    To: Dee XXXX
    Cc: Evan XXXX
    Subject: RE: Office 4/2287B

    Looking at his calendar, it looks like you might be able to catch him from 1-2 or after 3:00.

    Adam

     


    From: Dee XXXX
    Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 9:38 AM
    To: Adam XXXX
    Cc: Evan XXXX
    Subject: RE: Office 4/2287B

     

    Adam, is he in today?  I know he is remote, so it is difficult for me to catch him.

     

    Dee XXXX
    HQ Office Services Supervisor
    Ph: XXX-XXX-XXXX
    Fax: XXX-XXX-XXXX
    XXXX@XXXX.XXXX

     

     


    From: Adam XXXX
    Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 9:33 AM
    To: Dee XXXX
    Cc: Evan XXXX
    Subject: RE: Office 4/2287B

    Yes, I have spoken with velvetsmog about this issue and he said he would improve things. I will forward this message with my comments to him as well, but perhaps you should pay him a visit also, to really drive home the message.

    Thanks,
    Adam

     


    From: Dee XXXX
    Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 9:15 AM
    To: Adam XXXX
    Cc: Evan XXXX
    Subject: Office 4/2287B
    Importance: High

     

    Adam a few weeks ago my manager and I stopped and spoke to you about the office being occupied by velvetsmog.  The office is in the same state as when we last spoke.  Were you able to speak with velvetsmog about cleaning his office?  This really needs to be addressed.  As mentioned earlier, we are concerned with the sanitary aspects of the office.  Open food containers and dirty glasses will spawn bugs which get into the vents which cause a bigger issue.  We would appreciate another discussion with velvetsmog and I will follow up with you next week.

     

    Dee XXXX
    HQ Office Services Supervisor
    Ph: XXX-XXX-XXXX
    Fax: XXX-XXX-XXXX
    XXXX@XXXX.XXXX

     



    Current Mood: very pissed
    Tuesday, February 15th, 2005
    2:53 pm
    [velvetsmog]
    Dirty dishes and contributing to the office black plague
    Every Friday, I host a Wine Friday in my office, to allow my co-workers to come in, grab a bite to eat, and decompress from the week. It also allows us to all just drop the work bullshit and socialize for a bit. It's a lot of fun. But, as I found out, is potentially hazardous to my health!

    Because we don't have any place to do glass recycling in my office building, the wine bottles stack up. And wine bottles stacking up is a recipe for disaster. That means bugs could get into the ventillation system and then we have big problems.

    Sound like bullshit? Yeah, it sounded like that to me too.

    Meet Dee. Dee is an Office Services Supervisor or some bullshit like that. Dee is the head office nazi. The reason I say head office nazi is because she has three people reporting to her. That's right. A team of four to service the office. And her team doesn't like empty wine bottles, not one bit. Combine her lame mail with my towing-corporate-line manager's mail, and you have this thread:

    Names covered up to protect the completely hopeless.
    Hey velvetsmog-

    Especially since you will be sharing your office with your new office mate XXXXX, but also because it isn’t right that I am getting hassled by Facilities, you should take their request seriously and tidy up your office. Personally, it doesn’t affect me as I don't spend much time in there, but you will need to figure out an arrangement that works for both you and XXXX; and if it is building policy to keep offices free of dirty dishes, then we should comply with that.

    Thanks,

    Adam



    From: Dee xxxx
    Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 9:15 AM
    To: Adam XXXX
    Cc: Evan XXXX
    Subject: Office 4/2287B
    Importance: High

    Adam a few weeks ago my manager and I stopped and spoke to you about the office being occupied by velvetsmog. The office is in the same state as when we last spoke. Were you able to speak with velvetsmog about cleaning his office? This really needs to be addressed. As mentioned earlier, we are concerned with the sanitary aspects of the office. Open food containers and dirty glasses will spawn bugs which get into the vents which cause a bigger issue. We would appreciate another discussion with velvetsmog and I will follow up with you next week.


    Dee XXXXXXXXXXX
    HQ Office Services Supervisor
    Ph: xxx-xxx-xxxx
    Fax: xxx-xxx-xxxx
    xxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xxxxxxxxx


    THE LAMEOMETER SCORES AN 8 ON THIS ONE. And since the lameometer (pronounced la-mom-eter) only goes up to 8, that means this is fully and completely lame. Dee, I commend you on making this world a lamer place to live. God bless corporate america.
    Monday, November 22nd, 2004
    12:39 pm
    [the_automatik]
    oldie but a goodie
    From: XXXX
    Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2004 1:01 PM
    To: Company - Everyone
    Subject: Joyce Meyers Tapes!!!!

    I'm sending this email requesting that the person who borrowed the Joyce Meyers Tapes off my desk on Monday, February 23, 2004, please return the to me. I'd just purchased does tapes. All you had to do was ask me can you listen to them, and I would have gladly let you listen to them. So sir or madam, please return the tapes to me.
    Thanks,

    [Name]

    Current Mood: still amused
    Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
    9:46 am
    [chaosandcandy]
    9:19 am
    [velvetsmog]
    browser wars hit close to home
    i just grabbed breakfast on the fifth floor. while in the elevator on the way down, a guy noticed the shirt i'm wearing today.

    SP - stupid prick
    ME - not the stupid prick

    SP: "firefox, huh?"
    ME: "yep."
    SP bitterly: "you know, microsoft still owns a large part of this company."
    ME: "i used to work there. so i guess this is like 'rage against the machine'."

    (yeah, i know. stupid comment. but i didn't know what to say and i wanted to make light of the situation.)

    SP again, bitter: "more like rage against yourself."
    ME: shrugs "you know, i really just like the logo."

    and how much do you want to bet this fucker is an exec here? i mean, who talks corporate stock ownership and lectures someone in an elevator ride unless they have the words "vice president" or "director" in his name?

    i almost hope i get fired for wearing a firefox shirt to work.

    fuck this corporate bullshit. RAGE AGAINST THE SHAREHOLDERS.
    Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
    4:04 pm
    [hook_and_eyelet]
    I have work to do, but I just can't seem to want to do it. Wish I could want to.

    & no, it's not nice to wish to want to do the thing you want to do. Wait, I guess I don't want to do it anyway.
    Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
    10:39 am
    [headcrease]
    why me?
    So I'm wandering about a shared space in our huge office building where the ratio of male/female is approximately 85/15. Yet when a male visitor walks in and wants to know where the fax machine is they make a beeline to the *only woman in the area*. Is it:
    a) they're just horny sob's who think this is a prime opportunity for silly office pickup lines (like, "where's the fax machine?" really gets me going...especially before I've had my morning coffee)
    b) they're too embarrassed to ask for directions from their fellow male counterparts (c'mon, i thought we were so over that)
    c) they all suffer from freudian mother complexes where things with boobs are soft and friendly (I can tell you that I'm *not* soft and friendly pre-caffeine and sometimes not post-caffeine).
    d) they're just stupid.
    e) all of the above.
    f) none of the above.

    Current Mood: curious
    Friday, July 30th, 2004
    10:20 am
    [hook_and_eyelet]
    What??!?!!
    I got an e-mail stating that after we are to be done packing at 3.00pm for our department's move to a new office building, we are to have a staff meeting.

    The staff meeting is to take place in a bar. I did not dream this up. My boss is buying drinks.
    Thursday, July 29th, 2004
    2:45 pm
    [yeswad]
    my brain just blew
    i almost freaked out during work today because of the feeling that im not doing that great a job in the department i was stationed, but not hired to work in.

    i was hired to do web dev stuff, and instead i am now doing customer service. its a matter of time before i tell them that this is unacceptable to keep me placed here.

    i am about to pop.
    Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
    3:24 pm
    [spencert]
    Things I don't understand today...
    ...Why a highly paid computer and systems consultant we're working with would box up the conference phone he borrowed from me by effectively trying to ram a square peg into a round hole (the phone's got three "legs" and a rounded console on one side for the buttons, and the compartment for it in the box matches this shape) so roughly that the top of the box ripped open, the plastic handle ripped off, and the inner compartment was crushed on one side.

    ...Why a woman I did a favor by processing a purchase for her unit's training next week would bring back the box of note pads she's ordered to me TWICE saying that she didn't know why i was trying to give them to her, they weren't her order. When I finally explained that, look, here's where you requested them, and here's why, she finally looked it up in the computer, and , oh yeah, that's right.

    ...Why a guy will stop by a couple times a day asking if those industrial freezer labels he ordered have come in (another favor I did for the woman above), sometimes sending his assistant over, when each time I say, no, and I can't check on their status because they're on a budget I don't have access to, so please go to (the lady from the item above) for updates, and they still come back to me.

    ...Why the "due date" field in the online purchasing system means nothing to the people in Purchasing, and they disregard it.

    ...Why motherfuckers still ask me to help them load paper into a printer!

    Current Mood: posting here = angry, right?
    Friday, July 23rd, 2004
    3:56 pm
    [yeswad]
    friday
    i just threw a pile of work inthe trash cause its friday and these bitches will jsut call back on monday.


    sigh....
    time for beer.
    Friday, July 16th, 2004
    3:34 pm
    [hook_and_eyelet]
    Just kill me.
    Have you ever had so much work that you've hidden some under a pile of more work?

    Because I just did that.

    Current Mood: Defeated
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